Cowbell Introduces Revolutionary "De-Hydration" Drink

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Cowbell Introduces Revolutionary "De-Hydration" Drink: Because Hydration is So Last Year.

Rochester, MN — April 1, 2025 - Tired of the boring routine of actually helping people stay hydrated, Cowbell today proudly announces its boldest innovation yet: Cowbell De-Hydration. Yes, you read that right. Why replenish your fluids when you can dramatically lose them?

"We listened closely to absolutely none of our customers," said Co-Founder, Josh Grenell. "And what they weren't asking for was a drink that not only doesn’t hydrate you but aggressively works against hydration. Challenge accepted."

Each irresponsibly delightful serving of Cowbell De-Hydration packs a completely unnecessary, borderline irresponsible 1,000 mg of caffeine—roughly equivalent to wrestling three caffeinated grizzly bears or surviving a road trip playlist curated by your dad. Ideal for people who think sleep is overrated and hydration is just marketing propaganda from Big Water.

"We’re disrupting the hydration industry by literally dehydrating people," bragged Grenell. "Why gently boost your energy when you can leap straight into anxiety, heart palpitations, and existential dread? You’re welcome."

Cowbell De-Hydration will be available for exactly one day - today -since our legal team is pretty concerned and has already submitted their resignations. For more information, please don't visit our website because this product definitely isn’t real.

About Cowbell
We’re not here to sell you the same old sugary garbage in a new can. We’re here to change the game. At Cowbell, we make better drinks for better people — modern beverages that kick outdated, unhealthy options to the curb. We believe you deserve real ingredients, real benefits, and zero BS. The old way is dead. The new way is here. More Cowbell.  Our values are:  Quality First: Only the best ingredients, no compromises;  Authenticity: No gimmicks, no misleading claims — just great drinks; Innovation: Always pushing boundaries to deliver better, modern beverages; Sustainability: Promoting responsible recycling and sustainable packaging initiatives; Community: Connecting with real people who care about what they drink.

Media Contact:
April Phools
please-dont@drinkcowbell.com